Life of a Marine Mom, entry 41

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9月16日

Life of a Marine Mom, entry 41

You wake up in the morning and start getting ready for your day. You turn on your tv to the morning news and as you are preparing for a new start you hear on the news the offhand remark (or so it seems to you) from a newscaster that a Marine has died today in a province that you know. It is where your son and most of his battalion is stationed. You try to turn your thoughts to somewhere else, anywhere else, there are a lot of companies there, but you mourn the loss already. You pray. You pray for the lost Marine and his family, you pray for his brothers and friends. But in your heart you know it is already too late for one Marine, for his family, for his wife if he has one, for his children.

Your thoughts turn to *Is it someone my son knows? Is it someone whose mother or family I know?*. Your son's company's family is your lifeline. They are the only ones that really know what you feel, the fear and hope bound together in an endless circle. Memories of your son's gentle, strong, warm hugs and his awesome ways flow unbidden into your thoughts. You grab those memories tight with all your strength as if they were a life preserver and you were drowning, desperately fighting for air. Then you pray some more.

The fear that you feel a litle bit everyday starts to build, creeping into your mind like a thief in the night, pulling your bad thoughts from hidden dark corners and forcing them into the light. If you live in a town, every car that goes by and slows has you cringing with terror, afraid that two uniforms are going to stop in front of your house and get out to come up to your door. The morbid thought that they always send two bashes its way into your head. If you live in the country where few cars pass your house and home, its even worse if that is possible. You won't answer or look if someone knocks on your door in the early morning. You wouldn't be able to, standing frozen with dread as the horrible sound of your night-time terrors come to awful, real life. You listen for an approaching vehicle while saying to yourself *NO NO NO, I can't think like this*.

You pull the hope that you carry from the dark recess the fear pushed it into and you fan it with all the breathe you can produce to bring it back to life. You cry for a lost hero and his family and for yourself. In your heart your own son dies a little death every time you hear news like this. You mourn him for just one moment with your whole being even though you trust in God and his angels to protect them. Then you THRUST that thought away from you and worry about if he was near and saw a brother die. IT CAN'T BE YOUR SON. But somewhere, someplace, some mother is feeling the same way and it IS her son. Your heart breaks for this OTHER family, but still the fear holds your own heart in its clammy, cold, uncaring palms. You wait to hear from your son or from someone else that they have lost their own.

You consider NEVER listening to the news. But you know, you FEEL in every fiber of your being, that every Marine that dies deserves your grief. They laid down their life honorably for you and yours. Maybe they saved your son's life with their actions. You won't, you CANNOT stop listening to the news even though it can bring on the horrible, lost feelings in an instant. It tears you up inside right down to the hidden core of your soul. But you know you have to learn to live with it. You are in mourning for every one of the lost.

Thus you wait ... to hear.

Update:

The Marine that we lost was from Eric's battalion. LCpl . Shane Swanberg was killed by an incoming mortar yesterday in Ar Ramadi, Iraq. It was his first tour of duty in Iraq, he had only been there a few days. My thoughts and prayers are with his mother and family as they deal with the loss of this fine young man.

May God be with all our Marines and their families during this time and forever. I will be posting a tribute to Shane soon.

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	名前なしさんの投稿: Boy you said excatly what I am feeling! I worry about all of our sons and daughters that are serving in the sandbox. I pray around the clock for them to come home safely. Some times my heart is frozen in fear and time stands still. My sons roommate was recently killed by an ied and my heart aches for his family as well as my son. He said he will never be the same and has seen to much over there. The worry is overwhelming. Others who are not parents of Military sons do understand at all. Thank you for being here for us so we do not feel alone! Karen 11 月 27 日
	OriginalFireFlii さんの投稿: Thanks Jerry! That's beautiful! hugs Tami aka Marine Mom 11 月 29 日
	Kissinbug さんの投稿: I know this is late....recently found the site....It breaks my heart hearing the loss....Our sons/daughters will never be the same after losing a fellow comrade...nor will there families and friends. My Son can not deal with the loss of two of his best friends and fellow brothers....the torment he goes through daily ...remembering is heart wrenching....They try to be tough, put on the face....pretend it isn't affecting them....they were taught to do so....but we as parents can hear it in there voices and see it in there demeanor and there faces...There lives forever changed. For the families, it is a struggle...The loss of a member of the troop is confirmation that it could have been your own...as if that weren't on our minds constantly anyways..I to this day can not watch the news on Iraq. Any loss effects me deeply. That is a Marine closeness that we all share...even though a lot of us have never met. It is a thread of survival. It's what we know and hold on too. Our faith in God is tremendous and forthcoming. Never let that go. Support any way you can...Prayers are powerful, emails, phone calls, letters and packages are what our troops search for everyday...Pictures will put a smile on there faces, something that you don't see over there often. To all of those troops and there families, Semper Fi and God Bless...You have my utmost respect and thankfulness for all that you do for our country.... 11 月 19 日
	TiredRetiredJerry さんの投稿: I don't know if you have this or not? If you don't it looks great in a 8 X 10 frame. I made one for us only I changed parent to grandparent and child to grandchild. If you put it on Word, you can change the text. I put a picture of our Marine on the top. Looks real sharp sitting on the table, next to his picture. Semper Fi, Jerry STANDING TALL AND PROUD You may see me in the grocery store or at the cleaners, getting gas or mowing the lawn. I may be at work typing or sweeping, nursing or doctoring, waiting on customers or constructing a building. But you can tell it’s me, I will be the one standing tall and proud. You see while other children were going to work, college or loafing around; goofing off or just being kids; playing tennis or football; my child joined the world's finest, he became a Marine. My child will be serving this country all over the world. Keeping peace, making peace and making me proud. And now when our country, our way of life, our very democracy is threatened; my child is ready and eager to answer the call to conquer this evil plague that has been set upon us and the rest of the world. Recently many parents have suffered the greatest loss any parent can face, and my heart shares their loss. I am also filled with the deepest fear for the health and future of my child. Yet the desire to serve is what has charted my child's life, and molded the personal strength that simply amazes and humbles me. And that is why I am proud. That is why our country is the greatest. I could be any mother or father anywhere. But you can tell it’s me, I will be the one standing tall and proud. 9 月 20 日
	ShaawatGooch さんの投稿: Tami ~ I'm thankful that your son is safe. I'm so sorry for your son's platoon mate ... and those who are feeling the great loss of Shane. Keep the faith. Nae 9 月 17 日
	•NightFire• さんの投稿: My space has moved to http://spaces.msn.com/members/nightfire3/ Thanks for visiting. 9 月 17 日
	ashton-elizabeth さんの投稿: Hey Tami, just wanted to stop in and see how everything was going. It's okay about not being able to stop in for awhile. I know you have been very busy with everything and your son being deployed. Just wanted you to know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers and will always be. I hope your son the best of luck over there. I'm sure he will be a very great Marine and he will do wonderful things. Just remember no news is good news, doesn't always make things better I know but you just have to keep good thoughts in your head. I'm sure he will be just fine though. Really sorry to hear about that young Marine. That's horrible only being over there a few days. Absolutely awful. Just keep up your wonderful blogs, you have an amazing blog and I really enjoy coming and looking at what you have up. I hope you and your family have a wonderful weekend and keep staying safe!! Your in my thoughts and prayers. Tell your son thanks for everything he is doing. Very very apperciated :) Take Care Love, Ashton*Elizabeth 9 月 17 日
	Bieling33 さんの投稿: May I be added to your military blog list? 9 月 16 日
	azhath さんの投稿: Tami: Thanks for your kind words. I'm feeling alot better. My appt to get scoped isnt until 10/11!! I keep an eye and ear open when I hear "Ramadi". My thoughts and prayers are with Eric. K.T. 9 月 16 日
	devil_mom1 さんの投稿: I think he is too smooth too and sneaky. :/ Anyways, I am sadden to hear any Marine has paid the Ulitimate Price, but at the same time I am sighing relief for you. I think you deserve BIG {{{{ HUGS }}}} after that and some perksette!!! or w/e you like. and a manicure and a pedicure and a backrub and a facial. :) and a promise note from the government that your son will return home safely and they actually have to do it! Well it's the thought that counts right? It will be ok. I'm here for you. My husband leaves next month. :( 9 月 16 日
	OriginalFireFlii さんの投稿: awww Plaztic man you are too kind. And I would welcome that hug and hug back {{{{hugs}}}} . Thanks for the coffee .. how'd you know I actually like expresso? I drink it straight and love it so you can use it flavor and add kick to any latte you make! and that pink heart ... no wonder GuinnessWench pegged you as a friend to start with! hugs to you Tami 9 月 16 日
	ThePhrid さんの投稿: Good morn.....er.Afternoon. Sorry about not having your coffee ready this morning. I can home beat up so took a shower and passed out. My stupid work is missing a third shift guy so I'm working 12's these past 3 weeks. It's really wearing me down. As far as the Spaces hall of fame thingy well that's just evil wolf food anyways, I know sounds like sour grapes, mabee it is. mabee its not. Enough about me. I have an afternoon delight for you, my American hero. Oh stop it. yes, I know the men and women who protect our freedom are true heroes but if the bards don't sing of their heroric efforts then who will trully understand their sacrafice? Tami you do just that. You make people aware of what is truly being sacraficed for our freedom and that makes you a hero in my book. Today's coffee is in my opinion the closest thing to a hug I can give with out actually getting a hug. Its caffe latte. I of course will start with fresh ground beens. I usually use a espresso blend because even though it doesn't have as much flavor it does have a little more caffine. I have one of those cheapo capachino machines I got from target. Not my dream machine but for today it will work. What?.. you want a double comming right up. Pishhhhh while a true latte has no foam only steamed milk I always add a little foam krshhh whr krshhh. Now here watch this. i love it. I first add your two shots of espresso then a litte raspberry itailion syrup then by pouring in the steamed milk last from a heigth of about 8" I can make a pink heart from the foam. Ohh that one is perfect here it must be yours. 9 月 16 日
	armywife071903 さんの投稿: my thoughts and prayers are with you. when i hear yesterday that ramadi had been attacked, as soon as i read it, i heard a car door close outside. i literally held my breath and it was like my heart stopped! i actually waited to hear a knock at my door. of course there was nothing and a sudden rush of relief. but then i went without hearing from shane all day and that was hard! of course i realized that no news is good news but like you said, you can't help worrying about all those things. i pray that God will cover shane's eyes to the horror around him. we have gotten lucky so far and he hasn't seen or been involved in anything too bad! he hasn't had to fire his weapon but has come close several times. his platoon was involved in an ied incident and a couple of men were injured, one seriously enough that he's home now. this has made shane question his own mortality. i am thankful that he's talked to me about it cuz if he didn't and acted like it was no big deal, i would be really worried! i hope that you hear from eric soon! hugs ~aron~ p.s. thanks for being my "rock" you'll never know how much that means to me! 9 月 16 日

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